Some great dog humour and other teachings
Here's a Christmas wish, to make my Christmas glow,
All I'd like for Christmas is simply Best In Show.
If that's too much, dear Santa, then my heart would loop-de-loop, If
you'd see fit to give me a placing in the Group.
In fact, I'd be quite satisfied, and not show too much greed,
If you'd be kind and generous, and give me Best of Breed.
Dear Santa, I'd be merry and really feel quite rich,
If you'd arrange a gift for me - Winners Dog or Bitch!
But I'd be joyful, Santa, and I'd dance the Highland Fling,
If my pup would just be happy and behave in the ring!!!
Oh Boy! Here's the schedule for the Show!
Oh no! Not that one! We're "not" gonna go!
Remember last year how we swore lose or win
That we'd never set foot on these show grounds again?
It was hot, it was dirty. and not enough shade,
The inadequate benching was so poorly made.
The entry was lousy in bitches and dogs,
And they charged way too much for their bad catalogues.
The rings were so distant and located far
>From the quagmire where we abandoned the car
That we nearly collapsed from having to pack
The dogs, crates and penning over and back.
And we nearly expired from hunger and thirst,
'Cause the food and drink set-up was truly the worst.
And the ring was so small and on uneven ground;
There were stickers and weeds and debris all around,
And it's too far to travel for just one old show
So throw out the entries: we're not gonna go!
We'll stay home and loaf and relax and be glad
For no bathing, nail trimming, and rushing like mad.
No hitting the road at the dawn's early light,
No dragging home beat in the still of the night.
Just think of all the time and expense
We'll save by just using our good common sense.
However, there "is" one small thing I'll concede:
I would like to watch while they're judging our breed.
Say, I'll tell you what! Why don't we just go
As leisurely spectators viewing the show?
What a treat it will be to sit ringside with ease
And after the judging, just leave when we please.
No bother with dogs and all their regalia,
And all of the various paraphernalia.
But. as long as we'll be there, what could be wrong
With 'just for fun' taking one dog along?
OK! We'll take one. But the problem is: which?
A pup? The special? A dog or a bitch?
If we took a puppy it would just be for fun
But we could sure use the points if the dog or bitch won.
We'll never decide - it's no use to stall.
Dig out the entries - We'll enter them all!
But if it turns out as bad as we fear,
We'll really and truly stay home "next" year!
top 10 peeves Dogs have against Humans
1. Blaming your farts on me.....not funny....not funny at all !!!!
2. Yelling at me for barking.....I'm a friggin dog....what do you expect ?
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is it anyway ?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...STOP IT.
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog. What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the Vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotch of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters ? Hello !!! Haven't you noticed the fur ????
You Know You’ve Waited Too Long to Find a Mate When . . .
- you talk about "scoring" you mean how you did at last weekend's obedience trial.
The following isn't humour but worth reading and internalizing.
When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey. A journey that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet will also test your strength and courage. If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life, about yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed forever, for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark.
Along the way, you will learn much about savouring life's simple pleasures -- jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears. If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of valuable information.
Your pace may be slower, except when heading home to the food dish, but you will become a better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field. Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details: the colourful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig.
Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape, we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog knows that nature has created a marvellously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own.
Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching: summer insects collecting on a screen; how bizarre they are; how many kinds there are or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by.
You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride. You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewy toys, bounce little rubber balls till your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie with a cat in hot pursuit, all in the name of love.
Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound. You will learn the true measure of love. The steadfast, undying kind that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together."
Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race. And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway.
If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be. The one they were proud to call beloved friend.
I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go.
A pet's time on earth is far too short, especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for a while, and during these brief years they are generous enough to give us all their love, every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left. The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy now wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle gone to gray.
Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead, young and whole once more. "God speed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.
HELP NEEDED ASAP:
Please help!!!! After two long years of being on a waiting list for an agility dog, we have been notified by the breeder that, at long
last, our number has come up and ... WE ARE HAVING A PUPPY!!!
We must get rid of our children IMMEDIATELY because we just know how time consuming our new little puppy is going to be and it just
wouldn't be fair to the children. Since our little puppy will be arriving on Monday we MUST place the children into rescue this weekend!
They are described as:
One male - His name is Tommy, Caucasian (English/Irish mix), light blonde hair, blue eyes. Four years old. Excellent disposition. He
doesn't bite. Temperament tested. Does have problems with peeing directly in the toilet. Has had chicken Pox and is current on all shots. Tonsils have already been removed. Tommy eats everything, is very clean, house trained & gets along well with others. Does not run with scissors and
with a little training he should be able to read soon.
One female - Her name is Lexie, Caucasian (English/Irish mix), strawberry blonde hair, green eyes quite freckled. Two years old. Can
be surly at times. Non-biter, thumb sucker. Has been temperament tested but needs a little attitude adjusting occasionally. She is current on all shots, tonsils out, and is very healthy & can be affectionate. Gets along well with other little girls & little boys but does not like to share her toys and therefore would do best in a one child household. She is a very quick learner and is currently working on her house training-shouldn't take
long at all.
We really do LOVE our children so much and want to do what's right for them; that is why we contacted a rescue group. But we simply can
no longer keep them. Also, we are afraid that they may hurt our new puppy.
I hope you understand that ours is a UNIQUE situation and we have a real emergency here!!! They MUST be placed into your rescue by
Sunday night at the latest or we will be forced to drop them off at the orphanage or along some dark, country road. Our priority now has
to be our new puppy.
-- Author Unknown
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